Friday, February 10, 2012

Cover Me

It's not a prime day. It's not a bonus square or cube day. It IS first double-digit day, so we get a bonus post.
No, really, what happened was that I was thinking about my resume yesterday (and actually sent it off to someone who might be able to help) and then I saw this post today. And now I realize why my cover letters don't get interviews, why my resume doesn't excite HR to stop the presses and call me. I don't have this guy's sense of worth. Enjoy!

This link goes to the article, but here's the letter, copied directly.
Dear Open Source Staffing & NYC PHP Meetup Group:

I'm super awesome and have incredible experience compared to this - it
includes the required experience below plus I am trained in MMA
fighting, am the mayor of multiple Chipotles, Starbucks, and locally
famous restaurants in downtown NYC, and I type really fast. You want
to hire me more than anything and you'll be disgusted at how fast and
responsive your API is when I'm done.

You'll have to pay me ridiculous amounts of money but after the job is
done you'll wish you paid me more to stick around because you'll know
whatever company hires me next will destroy yours. It will be worth
it, you'll feel like I just got ripped off every time you write me a
check. Each week you'll feel worse and worse and increase the amount
of money you are paying me until one day you realize there's no amount
of money that could add up to the value of my insanely awesome skills.
It's ok, it happens to everyone.

You're welcome,

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