O-Dark-Thirty

I think I'm starting to lose my hair, which is too bad. I have great hair. Even my brother Barry says so. Many of the other side-effects of the Chemo beset me as well. Literature mentions mouth sores, but I wasn't sure what to expect on that front. I found out. It's like I was too quick to take a bite of hot pizza all over the roof of my mouth and partly down my throat. So, not to be too obvious, but it feels the same way on the other side of that gastrointestinal tract. You figure it out. I've gone full circle, I think. Thank you, Desitin. Yeah, you probably didn't want to hear that one. I have the leg pains. Some days I feel like someone kicked me in the crotch five minutes ago - except it feels like that all day. Like today. Other than that, I feel better today. So ... yeah! I spend a lot of time complaining about the side effects, but I don't think I want to do that for this post. There are other side-effects to talk about. The blessings. I sat with Darling ...

The nurse made a point of telling us that the chemo medicine takes seventy-two hours to leave my body, and mucus will expose others to its toxic effects. If I blow my nose and my dog eats the tissue, he will now have the medicine in him. Fortunately, I don't have a dog. > I felt okay last night, but somewhat wired, which seems to be why I could create both of the previous posts and get them online. My pulse rate was pretty steady between 95 and 115. Seems high, but I think my body os working harder than I am, so I'll just keep an eye on it. That was the steroids. I finally managed to get to sleep about midnight, but then I slept fine. Darling, not so much. This is taking a toll on her. My blood pressure this morning is running between 80 and 95, so that's an improvement. I'm not having the diarrhea or the constipation. I have been drinking copious amounts of liquids, and, if necessary, drinking water. No, really. I had a lot of coffee this morning. I was already a ta...

11/22/2022 0748 I’m sitting at home and we’re waiting to leave. I plan to write my thoughts as I go through today. If you’re reading this, perhaps you are heading off to do an IV chemo session for the first time. Nervous? Worried about how it will all work out? Yeah, me too. Joshua 1:9 states “Have I not commanded thee? Be strong and of a good courage. Be not afraid, neither be thou dismayed, for the Lord, thy God is with thee wheresoever thou goest.” Yeah, it’s tough to not be dismayed at all this. I don’t think I fear death, I fear pain. Death, to me, is like that trip to a very cool place and you’re leaving soon. The bag is packed (hopefully) and you just go about living your life until the morning you leave, then you’re committed and rush around and hope you did all the right planning. Except Death, of course, we don’t usually know the date of departure. Still, butterflies in the stomach… IV Chemo doesn’t seem like such a fun thing. Darling and I read all the side...

This is an overdue post, and it's a long one, so be prepared. If you want the short version, the current treatment failed,  and I am just now starting IV chemo. There are also some added complications, yet to be addressed. LONG VERSION (Bless your heart if you continue) Three weeks ago ( Nov 1, 2022 ), I went in for blood results. My awesome Oncologist expected the results to be in line with previous results. With most patients the drugs I am using would combat the cancer for months, perhaps years. In ten to fifteen percent of patients using my therapy, the drugs fail to halt the growth of cancer. I always knew I was special. Let's face it; I'm a tough guy, and my cancer cells are tough, too. Last week I had new blood tests, a Bone Scan and an MRI. PSA Those tests confirmed that my Oral Chemo is not working. In fact, I'm regressing. My PSA is soaring, from 0.2 on August 30 to 8.4 on November 1 to 13.5 on 11/16. I didn't show the Testosterone chart,...

I recall our front porch in Michigan. Blue house, sitting on a quiet side street of my hometown. Yellow light fixture above the right side of the door (as you were facing it). Mom put some wicker furniture out there. I wasn't much fond of wicker, but Mom was, and I have to admit it was a good place to sit on warm summer nights. We eventually had a swing on the side where John lived, and it faced up the hill. Nothing interesting to see there, but that's not really why we'd sit on that swing anyway. My first time on that porch was the evening we were moving in. Dusk settled quietly over the neighborhood and Mom and I were just getting to the front door. I don't know what we were doing, but after months in a camper and some weeks in a rented house, a home was a welcome change. I was, as usual, nervous about being in a new place, a new town, new people. The weather that night was crisp, but not cold. It was fall, after all. The sky was clear, and the stars shone like diamon...

Hey, I turn sixty-five this month. Not bad, eh? It messes with insurance, though. I'm still not sure what the entire impact will be, but it costs me more since I am keeping my BCBS as a Supplementary Plan. Funny, the cost of BCBS didn't change at all. Do we think that has something to do with my cancer? I sure do. So, I'm on a standard treatment now. The RELUGOLIX that Dr. Corn put me on seems to work fine fighting the cancer, and the side effects are manageable, though not particularly welcome. I'm still tired. A lot. Perhaps that will pass when the cancer is mostly removed from my system? Or not. I get the hot flashes, but that makes sense, since the Lab work shows a Total Testosterone of 7 ng/dL. Yeah, back to that old woman level, since a man my age should have 193-740. The problems associated with that are exactly what you might expect. Just leave it at that. My PSA, however, is a nice 0.2 ng/mL. The Doc likes that number, so I don't need any more testing until...

Here’s the question put to me: What do I think of the statement - The goal isn’t to “speak with God;” the goal is to let the Holy Spirit pray through you. (referencing Romans 8:26) My first reaction contended with that statement. Surely, we followers of Christ have the ability to pray without “channeling” the Holy Spirit. After all, James talks about prayer in this way: James 5:16-18 ( NASB1995) The effective prayer of a righteous man can accomplish much. Elijah was a man with a nature like ours, and he prayed earnestly that it would not rain, and it did not rain on the earth for three years and six months. Then he prayed again, and the sky poured rain and the earth produced its fruit. I am certainly not a prayer warrior like Elijah. Prayer is a constant thing with me, but not with that sort of power. Yet, the idea of the Holy Spirit praying through us certainly has biblical merit. Rom 8:26  NASB1995 26 In the same way the Spirit also helps our weakness; for we do no...

Before I launch into this post, let me just say that I know it all sounds like nothing but complaining. I don’t intend to do that. What I want any other readers to know, especially if they have the same cancer or know someone with the same cancer, is that you are not alone. The pains are real. The side effects will drain you. But we are all together in this. It’s the fatigue that gets me most. I hear the same from a friend of mine who has prostate cancer in remission. His cancer was also a Gleason Scale 9, but it did not metastasize into his bones. I’ve been reading the notes posted by my doctor and I seem to be quite a complainer. That saddens me. I did have a bit of a rant about drug prices with him on our last visit (via phone – Covid, you know). I guess since I was paying for the visit, I can talk about anything, and he is a good listener. Here’s the upshot of my rant… The Apalutamide (Erleada) costs over $14,500 per bottle! Ouch. I carefully typed that number and put i...

  We saw Thor yesterday. The movie started, the lights went down and it was LOUD. My Darling hands me a couple squishy things and I think “Wow, she remembered earplugs.” I almost put them in my ears before I realized they were Hot Tamales. I know. You expected something different, didn't you? Just letting y'all know (both of you) that I'm still here.

This is an interesting time in my life. I usually abhor the word "interesting" since it means so little, but I also dislike "ly" words, so I'll just let it go at that. So, a bit of time has passed since my last cancer update. People are asking. Some folks we know came for a visit and expected to see me bed-ridden and gasping my last breath. Not yet. I still do all the things I've always done. If you didn't know I had cancer, I'm hoping you couldn't tell. I do walk a little slower. Sometimes, when my right hip hurts a lot, I limp a bit. Maybe that's just arthritis. Who knows? Let's compare my two bone scans, the one from this past March and the one from October before I really started treatment.   The first one is the latest. You can see that the spine is not as brightly lit, nor are my pelvic bones. That means the treatment is removing the cancer from my bones, though it isn't all gone. Still, good news! My PSA results...