Flashback Pain
In my Traveling Grouch blog, I recount our moving adventure from our home in Texas to our new lake home in Michigan, so I won't tell that story here.
But there is one thing...
This is my personal blog, where I tell stories related to my feelings.
We pulled away from Kevincrest for the last time on November 20. Darling drove, so I looked out the passenger window as we pulled away.
A lump formed in my throat and tears sprang to my eyes. Memories overwhelmed me.
I just finished my kindergarten graduation in Florida and Dad got new orders. I saw my familiar yard disappear. My little brother was a baby and I didn't really know what was going on, but I was sad. Again, we were moving.
Snow drifted down as Dad pulled away from our house in Rhode Island. I sat in the back seat and tears started to stream from my eyes. Dad heard me snuffle and growled at me. "Boys don't cry," he said. I covered my face with my scarf as the tears continued. I had lived in Rhode Island from first grade until the middle of fourth. Friends, places I rode my bike to, these all disappeared as we drove away. My final view of the house burned into my brain as my friend Eddie waved to us.
Our cat wouldn't come out from under the house and Mom cried. Finally, she got the neighbor to promise to take care of Zilch and we left our five acres in Washington State. A hollow feeling formed in my chest, but I choked back the tears. Mom cried enough for all of us.
Dad returned from Viet Nam, but he seemed different somehow. His new orders meant we had to leave the house that Mom and I and my three brothers lived in for the last year. Mom was sad to leave Brown City and the comfort of being surrounded by her relatives. As the house faded into the distance on that lonely country road, I thought I saw the ghost of our dog at the end of the gravel driveway. I'm sure it was imagination.
Maryland was different. After two years of school at St. Mary's, Susie had a graduation party and everyone from our eighth grade class had a good time. Erv, Mike and Chip said goodbye. Our Fearsome Foursome dissolved. Once again, I had to start over. My heart hurt this time, but I didn't show it to anyone.
Maybe I could reforge myself in our new location, North Carolina. Maybe I could be more engaging, more outgoing, less shy.
I had yet to learn that I take my personality with me.
Tom and Andy and I went out on the water and talked of Brabsie and Penny from Spanish class. Yet those simple times again came to an end. As Dad drove from North Carolina, my heart hurt, yet I held a spark of hope that I could be more popular. I'd be the cool kid in the new school.
I wasn't. Those final two years of high school had the drama that most teens are embroiled in. When my family dropped me off at Central Michigan, I watched the green station wagon drive away and felt abandoned.
I recognized the feeling.
Abandonment.
I lost my place in the family as they drove away. I lost my place as we drove away from North Carolina, from Maryland, from Washington, from Rhode Island. After college, I lost my place in Michigan when I left on a bus to find a job in Houston.
All those forsaken lives flashed in front of my eyes, and those memories pierced my heart as Darling pulled away from Kevincrest.
Once again the abandonment swept through me, and for a while I could not talk as my chest tightened and tears formed in my eyes. "Boys don't cry," I heard my Dad whisper.
Yes, they do, Dad. Yes, they do.
But there is one thing...
This is my personal blog, where I tell stories related to my feelings.
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| 6702 Kevincrest Drive in Pearland |
A lump formed in my throat and tears sprang to my eyes. Memories overwhelmed me.
I just finished my kindergarten graduation in Florida and Dad got new orders. I saw my familiar yard disappear. My little brother was a baby and I didn't really know what was going on, but I was sad. Again, we were moving.
Snow drifted down as Dad pulled away from our house in Rhode Island. I sat in the back seat and tears started to stream from my eyes. Dad heard me snuffle and growled at me. "Boys don't cry," he said. I covered my face with my scarf as the tears continued. I had lived in Rhode Island from first grade until the middle of fourth. Friends, places I rode my bike to, these all disappeared as we drove away. My final view of the house burned into my brain as my friend Eddie waved to us.
Our cat wouldn't come out from under the house and Mom cried. Finally, she got the neighbor to promise to take care of Zilch and we left our five acres in Washington State. A hollow feeling formed in my chest, but I choked back the tears. Mom cried enough for all of us.
Dad returned from Viet Nam, but he seemed different somehow. His new orders meant we had to leave the house that Mom and I and my three brothers lived in for the last year. Mom was sad to leave Brown City and the comfort of being surrounded by her relatives. As the house faded into the distance on that lonely country road, I thought I saw the ghost of our dog at the end of the gravel driveway. I'm sure it was imagination.
Maryland was different. After two years of school at St. Mary's, Susie had a graduation party and everyone from our eighth grade class had a good time. Erv, Mike and Chip said goodbye. Our Fearsome Foursome dissolved. Once again, I had to start over. My heart hurt this time, but I didn't show it to anyone.
Maybe I could reforge myself in our new location, North Carolina. Maybe I could be more engaging, more outgoing, less shy.
I had yet to learn that I take my personality with me.
Tom and Andy and I went out on the water and talked of Brabsie and Penny from Spanish class. Yet those simple times again came to an end. As Dad drove from North Carolina, my heart hurt, yet I held a spark of hope that I could be more popular. I'd be the cool kid in the new school.
I wasn't. Those final two years of high school had the drama that most teens are embroiled in. When my family dropped me off at Central Michigan, I watched the green station wagon drive away and felt abandoned.
I recognized the feeling.
Abandonment.
I lost my place in the family as they drove away. I lost my place as we drove away from North Carolina, from Maryland, from Washington, from Rhode Island. After college, I lost my place in Michigan when I left on a bus to find a job in Houston.
All those forsaken lives flashed in front of my eyes, and those memories pierced my heart as Darling pulled away from Kevincrest.
Once again the abandonment swept through me, and for a while I could not talk as my chest tightened and tears formed in my eyes. "Boys don't cry," I heard my Dad whisper.
Yes, they do, Dad. Yes, they do.
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